Picking myself up and walking a new path...

Greetings my fellow spooky babes! It sure has been a minute huh? Well, I'm still here and undead (mostly) with some big, life changing announcements as well as details on my "Spooky Secret Admirer" Collection launching this Saturday! I have a lot to share with you to bring you all up to date, so let's get into it- 

Where to begin? How about we start with when I dropped off the face of the internet for a while? I know what you're thinking.. "did she get abducted by aliens?" Believe me, I WISH that was the case, but unfortunately my reasons are far less exciting than that. Might want to snuggle in and grab a warm drink, because things are about to get a little heavy, but fear not! It has a positive ending, I promise. Perhaps inspiring.. encouraging? I hope so, but I will leave that up to you to decide.

Let's travel back in time to mid December.. the holiday rush was once again moving at a chaotic speed and I found myself struggling a bit to keep up. Eight holiday seasons have passed since the beginning of Spookshow Babe Designs and for some reason this one I found the most difficult to manage. But why..? I had been moving along at a decent pace since early November and had 99% of my orders completed and ready to go on time, so where was this sudden sense of... doom, coming from? Why couldn't I sleep and when did these panic attacks start becoming such a common part of my day? In the midst of a good season, which I was grateful for, it seemed like my body was moving in an entirely different direction than my mind. I felt like I was stuck in a game of tug of war with my body that was shutting down on me despite my best effort to keep it moving. Then one very cold and snowy afternoon, I felt completely and utterly disconnected from myself. "Disassociation" is what a therapist would later tell me it was. That surreal experience was followed by an entirely worse one- I felt nothing. It seems contradictory to say "I feel nothing," but that is exactly what happend. No matter what I tried to feel I couldn't. I was numb and at a loss. I thought, well.. I am an artist and art is therapy, it makes you feel something.. so get in your studio and create! I walked into the studio, sat at my desk and just blanked out. I honestly don't know how long I sat there just staring into the deep void I felt, but it was at that time I very quickly realized I was not okay and I was going to need to address whatever caused this to find myself again.

A nervous breakdown is like stepping into some dark, alternative reality. I started to compare it to The Upside Down in Stranger Things. You can see yourself on the otherside of it, but you can't connect to yourself and you feel powerless to forces that seem much larger and stronger than you. It would be easier to just let it engulf you, but I have never been a quitter, so instead I started to do everything I could to fight my way out of it. In Stoicism, we accept that "the obstacle is the way" which means facing a challenge, no matter how hard it is in order to find yourself on the other side of it. Travel back to our current time and place and cue the super cheesy inspirational music because I am doing better than I was a month ago and feeling a little stronger each day. I had to face a difficult truth about myself, I put my job above everything which has caused both physical and mental health issues. I thought that being a responsible business owner meant I had to be running at full speed toward success every minute of everyday... spoiler alert, that was a pretty dumb thing for me to do. I see now that is not going to be a good path for me to continue on and I am going to have to pivot to something more sustainable for the long haul.

I chose to delete my Social Media apps (temporarily) and closed my office door to seek who I was without those things constantly in my life. It is so easy to identify yourself as something when it consumes your everyday, for me it was an "artist and small business owner". But the first thing I noticed when I logged off and stepped outside those roles is that I actually forgot there are so many other things in my life I have been wanting to do that I kept burying deep down inside me to maintain my "full steam ahead" work mode. I missed the slow and simple act of drawing and painting, where my love of art began. And in pulling out my sketchbook I started to draw things completely unique that I had no idea were in me waiting to come out. It didn't come easy at first, truthfully I was still experiencing "Anhedonia" and with that came a great lack of interest or care to draw. But I pushed forward and slowly things started to feel satisfying again. Then came the desire to create a series of paintings within the theme I was drawing and I remembered how much I used to love creating art for Art Shows and Galleries. My mind began to dream and plan again on being part of that world that I had abandoned around the same time I started my business. That lead me to reflect on just how lonely and isolating being an artist running a small business is. There was a time when I would participate in art markets and events that I found really enjoyable. I loved talking to like minded creative souls and attendees who really appreciated and valued the joy art can bring to this world. I spent a day researching events in and around my area and decided to apply for one I always wanted to be involved in just to see if I would be accepted. Much to my excitement, I was welcomed into the wonderfully strange convention that is The World Oddities & Curiosity's expo! That opened a door in my mind that had been locked for many moons, a forgotten dream I once had and pushed aside. What if I could sell my art at events all over the U.S. and actually have a chance at meeting a lot of friends and collectors I have made in the last 8 years? Maybe I could get a used small RV and literally just drive city to city, exploring new places as I go. 

Okay, okay.. so now your thinking, "What on earth are you talking about girl?! Your plan is to abandon your small business, buy a home on wheels so you can drive around aimlessly till you find an art market to sell at so you have money to get gas and possibly a shower along the way to the next random town? I think you need to reconsider how much "better" you are doing, because this all sounds pretty crazy."

Fair enough, but hear me out. I don't plan on abandoning my small business. After eight years of putting an insane amount of blood, sweat and tears into getting here that would be "pretty crazy" indeed. My plan is only to focus on doing more events/conventions, art shows/galleries and living a more fulfilling life. For years I have spent so much time in my studio that I sometimes couldn't tell you what season it was unless I began to see season related posts on Instagram. When I reflect on the last eight years of my life I am incredibly proud of everything I have done, but I also regret the things I didn't do. My biggest regret is not taking my dad to a concert he and I would have enjoyed together... and that opportunity was permanently taken from me 5 months ago when he left this earth. Grief over his passing and the trauma of being there those last couple days with him, watching it all unfold, undoubtedly played a part in my nervous breakdown. The guilt and shame I felt for not having been able to spend more time than I had with him in the months leading up to that horrific night left a profound impact on me. I never want to experience any similar regrets in the future that will forever remain in my already heavy heart. Going forward this year I am making the necessary changes to live more fully and I will honor him every day by embracing the new path that lies ahead.

Allow me to put it plainly... Spookshow Babe Designs is here to stay. I will continue to create art and share my art with all of you. I love doing it to much to ever stop and I love all of you to much to ever fully leave.  What I will be doing in 2026 is shifting my priority to doing more face to face events. In a world that is becoming more and more disconnected and replaced by machines, I WANT to experience real human connection. And I know a lot of you are socially awkward, maybe a bit shy, hate crowds or are an introvert like me, and thinking "why on earth would you want to do that?" A very fair point and I have considered that. However... "Art is not safe" and when you become complacent and content, you lose your imagination and passion for more. I never want my art to feel dull, hell- I don't want to ever become dull. I want to continue to be challenged and grow as much as possible while I still have the chance. New experiences inspire new ideas. That is what I intend on finding this year. 

If you want to join me on this journey I would absolutely LOVE to have you come along! I will be posting regularly here on my blog and less on my social media. I don't want to share snippets of my process and only highlight the positive moments in my life. It's absurd really, life and art is messy and complicated and when you only ever share the highlights it can be very disingenuous. That is not who I am, if your a long time friend and follower you know I have always been very open about the good AND bad times in my life. Here I can share my art and thoughts more freely, giving you all an honest look into my life and how I create. I also encourage you to sign up for my Newsletter if you have not already. I will be sending out more discount codes and secret shop drops for newsletter subscribers going forward. This will also be a great way to stay in the know about future events I will be at or art galleries where you can see my original pieces in person. Again, this is something I plan to do in more areas than just my home state of Wisconsin.

As for the first Shop Drop of 2026, my "Spooky Secret Admirer" collection will be live this Saturday at 4pm cst. I will have a small, handmade collection of spooky sweet Valentine themed decor pieces like clay figurines, my fan favorite frogs and those adorable mushrooms with whimsical charm. (Sneak peek photo at my current work in progress, some raw sculpts!) These items are all going to be ready to ship in time for Valentines day and will include an adorable Bat Postman Stamp Sticker as shown on my website homepage! 

If you made it to the end, thank you so much for being here and for reading my ramblings. Till next time, stay spooky my friends! <3